What to do from here

We’ve been through a lot and its not “just fun” anymore and she’s afraid.

Names have been changed for anonymity.

“Agatha” and I started flirting back in September 2016 and we started hooking up in October, I established the relationship initially as “just fun” thinking that we could keep it that way and professional around the office. The idea was to be discreet and to my knowledge only her best friend knows that we are even talking “romantically” and only my roommates officially know that we have been sleeping together since October. She is a closed off person typically when it comes to feelings, I can only assume because she is guarding everything that she has left fiercely (her two daughters and her job)

Her story. She was going through the end of her divorce from a guy that just stopped caring and stopped helping raise their children. She had tried and dated seriously with another guy before while still married but broke up with him because of his abusive and alcoholic tendencies and sometimes he would act insane, for example… calling and texting her guy friends and making threats etc. She did decide to try and remain friends with him still regardless of the breakup (which she does with all people even if she doesn’t always get along with them).

My story. Divorced for a year and a half by the time Agatha and I met. I had a few girlfriends but decided I wasn’t sure I wanted anything long term anymore and wanted to see what was out there. I had been working on myself and wanted some companionship but maybe not anything serious.

Our sexual chemistry was ferocious… I love do sweet things for her, getting her flowers, driving an hour and a half to see her get home from the airport after visiting family once, getting her favorite Mexican food, making her “miss me?” letters whenever I went out of town, making sure she had one of my shirts so she could smell me while I was away… By the second month of us being “together” I started to develop feelings because I spent time around her and her girls. Not meaning to act as a surrogate father but accidentally filling the role when we got to hang out. I loved it and grew attached. Her seeing the way I treated her and her girls she definitely became more and more comfortable around me. By April we had some ups and downs and had many close personal experiences and we had realized that this wasn’t just fun anymore. After leaving for a weekend trip with friends and returning we were closer than ever because we had missed each other so much and the passion was intense and the feeling of closeness was intoxicating.

The very next week, a switch had flipped in her and she became cold distant and mean. After several days of little to no communication we finally get a chance to talk. Being an empathetic individual, I was able to get clues and deduce some of how she felt and she confirmed them.

The condensed version…

1. She is terrified that she isn’t where she needs to be personally, financially, (still living in the rental house her and her ex lived in) and if she tried to reciprocate the feelings I have… She is afraid she wouldn’t be enough and I would end up leaving because she couldn’t make me feel the way I make her feel.

2. In her distance and being cold, her logic was hoping that I would possibly move on to spare herself the cost of failure but at the same time secretly hoping I stay, regardless of the way she treated me because of how I have made her feel and how I have been there for her girls and what we could possibly be.

After hashing out those facts I assured her that the only thing I need is for her is to be with me when she can, not to be distant and let herself be happy because that is what makes me happy. I also stated I would support her where I could when she just wanted time to work on herself and that I don’t want or need her to be perfect, I just want her to be there.

Currently she is out of town with family to see her sibling graduate and won’t be home until the day of her birthday; I’m giving Agatha her space and only messaging her when she contacts me. I’m hoping that this weekend will remind her of missing me and maybe thinking that she can be open and honest with me and possibly want to pursue something with me (even if it’s a baby step in the direction of a relationship)

When she gets back she won’t have her girls and I’d hoped she would come over to see me and open her present (custom made shoes from her favorite brand) and possibly spend the night with me and possibly lose some of that distance. I am thinking a bit selfishly at this point there…

I want advice… What do I do from here? I want her to know that I want her even if its not 100% right now and that she can work on herself AND be happy. I want her birthday to be special (of course), physically, sexually, psychologically, but I don’t want to force her distance away if she isn’t ready or willing to let it go for now.

Found birth control…

I’ve been dating this woman for a little over a month now. Recently I was at her place and I happen to notice that she has birth control pills (Chateal) on her nightstand. Looks like half of her supply has been used. Does this mean she hooking up with someone else? We’ve been only kissing so far but we haven’t had sex yet.

We have been married for six years but I recently discovered my husband has a social media profile. He reluctantly added me but recently he deleted the profile completely. Last week, I discovered he has another profile which is eight year old and in private mode. There is no recent activity but it has some photos and comments from his past, including ones by his Ex. The fact that my husband is reluctant to acknowledge me and our children on his social media profile but has retained his ex’s memories has left me hurt and confused.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years through arranged marriage. We have a son (5) and a daughter (2). He was never on Facebook, whereas I have been for some years now. He never seemed inclined and I didn’t fuss over it. However, a few months back out of curiosity I searched his name on Facebook and realised he had opened an account for more than a year. When I asked him, he shrugged off stating he never really used it and had opened one on insistence of his colleagues and to connect with friends from his days abroad. When I asked him why hadn’t he added me? He just avoided it saying he never uses it. Nevertheless, I added him and though he seemed reluctant, he eventually accepted it. I checked his account and indeed most people on his friends list were his colleagues from work and few old friends. He had a picture from his late 20s as his profile picture (he’s 40 now). He hadn’t filled out any details and he hadn’t put a single picture of us or our kids. I was not too happy but I thought he wanted to keep things private and professional and let it be. I am alarmed now because suddenly last week, after having me on his friends list for four months, he’s now deleted his FB account! I searched for him but there’s no trace of him (even a friend confirmed this) but now to my surprise, I’ve come across his another account that is almost 8 years old. The account is set in private mode, I can’t see his friends list but can see some pictures he had posted in public mode 8 years back. He had pictures of his from his late 20s and early 30s, as well as lots of pictures of his niece, a toddler than. On one such picture of his niece, I found a fond comment by a woman. I checked her profile, she is in her late 30s now, lives in another country and is single. When I did my snooping around a bit, I realised, the woman was my husband’s ex, the one he loved before he married me. They were in a long distance relationship for five years and had to part ways under pressure from family owing to their religious differences. I checked up further on the woman’s profile and realised she doesn’t have my husband on her friends list and her posts were work related. So far, I believe, my husband and his ex are not in touch with each other but I have a nagging feeling he isn’t over her yet. Although, they’re not on each other’s friends list, through her comments, she’s there for everyone to see, whereas I am nowhere around. Ideally, my husband could have deleted that picture with his ex’s comments on his profile but he has not. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable and it seems, like all his friends and family knew about them and even acknowledged her. Honestly, I had an idea that he was involved with someone in the past but not to the extent I have figured now. As far as our relationship is concerned, we have never shared anything out of ordinary but it has been ok so far. However, his reluctance to accept and acknowledge me and our kids on his social media profile has got me thinking now. I can still deal with his reluctance to post our pictures but I can’t fathom his hesitance towards posting pictures of our children, when he could post pictures of his niece. Please help me understand what could be his compulsion or motivation in acting the way he’s.

Why would my husband delete his social media account with me on his friends list but continue the account with his ex memories?

Would she be happier without me?

Our relationship is struggling, I think we’d both be happier together, but I don’t want to make it difficult if she needs to walk away.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and its both of our first serious relationship. We’ve been having difficulties lately, especially with the stress of both finishing our undergraduate degrees.

A month ago she broke up with me because things were too hard on her, then a week after that we talked it over. We decided to give it another shot, as neither of us felt like things were really over. I thought at that point she understood that the relationship would be work (as all are), but it seems now like she’s retreating again.

I think we have a good relationship worth working for, which can make us both happier. I want to fight for us, but I also don’t want to make it difficult for her to leave if that’s what she has to do.

I’m torn between being sensitive and considerate and letting her make up her mind on her own time, and fighting for our relationship because I still believe in it.

What should I do?

He’s a co-worker, I might be reading too much into the situation and when I was thinking about him last night, I started singing Disney songs… *Face Palm*

Okay, so this is happening. I met this guy when he came to work at the same office as me. He was great from the start. He looked me in the eye when he spoke to me and didn’t interrupt me (which I get a lot from guys) and never got weird or defensive about me training him or asking me for help when he had a question. We both started goofing around a lot but also talking about substantial things like politics or philosophy. We started swapping stories about our families and childhood. He’s interested in my major… and he never once made a stupid joke about working with a bunch of women. He complimented me but not in a skeevy way. At the time I thought he was just a really nice guy being friendly, so I didn’t think too much of it.

I’m not exactly sure when it started to happen, but we talked more and he kept trying to come up with a nickname for me. It’s kind of sweet. He’s shown concern for my safety and he’s been offering me hugs. Nice hugs. And I’m so comfortable with him that my feet move before I can think about it and I hug him back. He’s actually not trying to cop a feel.

He really casually asked me if I was seeing anyone not too long ago, but hasn’t brought it up again. I’m not seeing anyone. And I was becoming aware that I was having really mushy feelings for this guy.

This realization was closely followed by my thinking that I was probably just reading way too much into the whole thing. He’s probably just being nice. But I miss him when he’s not at work and I feel safe with him. The feeling safe with him is kind of a big deal for me. I’m really careful about who I let into my life, even more when it comes to guys. I’ve been really focused on work and school and just trying to hold everything together so most interactions with dudes, for me, are just fending off creepy guys at the campus library or on public transportation…

I feel like the thing to do is just to tell him how I feel, but we WORK together. It’s a really chill office (just ask the roaches) but it feels unprofessional and it might cause problems if things go south. Also, if he doesn’t feel the same way, I really don’t want to lose him as a friend if it weirds him out. But maybe he’s thinking the SAME thing and that’s why it hasn’t gone farther than ‘are you seeing anyone?’ yet…

So I’m wigging out a little. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve kind of been looking around for something innocuous we could do together outside of work… and feeling really ridiculous about it?

Thoughts? Thanks for reading!

I’m in so much pain

This girl I’m in love with chose her lying cheating ex bf over me. She and I are very close and when I suggest that we distance ourselves she says she “can’t live without me” and begs me not to leave. Also we’re going to prom together because she would rather go with me than her bf. Her words btw. Should I stay friends with her or drop her and move on. I hurt every day because she’s with him but would it hurt any less if I stopped talking to her?

I don’t want to be the only one who pays

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and things are really good mostly. But I feel like he is really stingy with money when it comes to putting money into our relationship like going on dates, buying a gift for valentines day, or anything really. But he has no problem spending money on energy drinks for himself or an $80 video game. I just don’t understand why he is like this. I understand he has been single for a long time so maybe he’s just not used to the changes that happen when you’re in a relationship. Am I over reacting? Am I being silly? Should I try to talk to him about it? What should I do?

Sex and Anxiety

I am seeing a guy, we’re both 22, and last weekend we went out with some friends, drank quite a bit, went home together, and had sex for the first time. That night, he had a hard time staying hard, which we both attributed to him having drank a lot, early the next morning we tried again, and he was hard, but maybe for only 10 minutes. We didn’t really talk about it and it wasn’t awkward the next morning, but he did say he was sorry for the ‘poor performance’ last night. I think he might have a bit of anxiety, and he seemed a little embarrassed. It really didn’t matter to me, I just hope I wasn’t the reason!

This weekend we went out again, drank, came home together and started to hook up and he was very hard the whole time.. for nearly 3 hours until we called it quits for the night. I don’t think he ever came, which seems to be a side effect of Viagra (according to google at least haha). I have a feeling he may have taken something to help him have an erection. Not sure if it’s something that I should bring up with him?

It could be that he was nervous that the same thing might happen as did the first night, and that he didn’t want to risk it. But I don’t want him to feel like he needs to take something every night! Is there anything I can do to help him get and keep an erection? Is it something I should bring up with him, or would that make him even more nervous?

She needs some space

So, I began dating this girl around may of 2016. We’ve been hanging out ever since and connected very well. We’re at the point to where we hold hands and kiss in public no matter where we are and have sex pretty often, almost as if we were a couple already. Weve even gived each other Christmas gifts and she bought me something for my birthday. From time, she tells me how much she appreciates me, that she wouldn’t want to spend her nights with anyone else and that I’m all she’s focusing on. I haven’t met any of her friends or her any of mine although I’ve invited to some events that she wasn’t able to attend. So overall we’ve been talking for about 7 months so I decided to go for it and ask to be officially my girlfriend. Her response was ” yes, I do but I don’t want to rush things” she told me that her previous relationship broke her and she realized that she needs some space to work on herself. I told her I completely understood and that I will give her some space. Since then, she continues to text me and periodically tells me she misses me. At this point I’m pretty confused and I want some advice as to what to do I this situation. I asked her specifically what she needed me to do in regards to giving her space, because I want to give enough space to work on herself but not to the point to where she thinks I’m pushing her away.