My long distance friend age 21 has been acting strange these past months. Like, she’s been very needy and dependent on me lately. Which I am to her as well when I feel upset about life but I am aware to set bounderies to not take adventage of someones time and energy. Anyways, we known each other for three years. I am 32 yr old. I have feelings for her since we know each other but these romantic feelings has not gotten in the way of our friendship. In fact, I accept us as friends because I feel more comfortable being friends and since we are ocean apart. I feel my love for her is platonic than sexual.
Anyways, two weeks ago we had a misunderstanding via text that lead to a heated argument. She was telling me about some guy she been dating for “a while ago” her words. It seemed to be serious because he met her family and she met his family as well. He moved 2 mins closer to her home and they go out every Saturday. He is also a parent of a toddler, my friend is a parent to a toddler as well. When she was explaining to me of her situation. She never answered me of whom his name is so I assumed it was her guy friend she had baby playdates with his son. But she told me it wasnt him. I then enaged more into her story, told me that this socalled bf ghosted her. She feels hurt and said this is why she has trust issues with people. I asked her where was he at the time she was kicked out of her house last month by her parents? During that time she felt like no one in her life don’t care about her not even her friends. Her reply to my question. She said he and i werent together at that time. Apparently, they had a on and off again relationship.
I wanted to know where his whereabouts was because she was so depressed last month, that I seriously thought she was going to kill herself because she was texting me that she wanted to die! Because her family made her homeless. She was texting me that time of her depression. That when I said I am there for her. She even said to me “how can you keep me alive when you’re on the other side of the world?” It scared me the way she was talking to me. That Her suicidal talk lead me to message her family to check up on her which they later thanked me for looking out for her. Although, her mom did say “she sometimes say things to get a reaction”. Huge red flag! Anyways,
Back to the messages two weeks ago.
I told her that I am here for her as a friend, that she is like a soul sister to me.
But then she replied “Why are you acting this way? If this was about a friend you will support me and talk to me. But because this is about a partner you are being short with me?”I was so confused with this text! I wasnt even short with her at all. I was actually advising her to do what she feels right if she wants to continue the relationship with her so called bf because he ghosted her. Or just leave him which she already told me she was going to do? When I tried to explain to her that I am listening and that I do care of her situation. She ignored me. Didnt want to talk. I kept asking her to call me so we can talk this out instead of text. But said no because she was too busy at work. 2 days later, i asked her if we can talk on the phone. She said yes we can talk over the phone soon. Week later, I messaged her and asked her when are we going to talk about this or are we going to avoid each other?? Her replied was “I might’ve took it the wrong way because I was upset if that was the case”. I messaged her that I feel that we have a codependent relationship and that we need time apart. I just couldnt take this treatment from her when I always was there! It’s been two days, she hasn’t talked to me. She usually shares with me what is on her mind or apologizes. I feel that our friendship changed and became awkward. I don’t know what is going on but I do feel a good separation will heal this. Because we text each other so often these past three years! That we rely on one another so often that our friendship is becoming toxic.