I’ll keep this pretty short.
I am in a long term, long distance relationship and my partner and I can’t see each other too often especially because of COVID.
Now I’m a pretty depressed guy who is struggling to find much meaning in life however just recently I have discovered a passion for the first time in my life and a friend of mine just so happened to invite me to go on a trip to do the said passion around Christmas which would be around the time that my partner would intend on coming over if she is able to but it has left me with a complex feeling as part of me is desperate to take up this rare opportunity to go on my first ever trip with a group of people to do what I have found that I love doing and am almost hoping that my partner isn’t able to make it over here so that I can go but then again I do love her and would like to see her (no she isn’t able to come unless she took appropriate lessons)

As I say, I love her very much but because of me finally finding something I love, something that brings a feeling of actually living into my previously dull and unfulfilling life I feel the need to take up the opportunity as I’ve never in my life experienced these things. ontop of that she has all these good memories from her past, doing things she loved with people she loved whilst I sit here with nothing.

And ontop of all that, because of my new found passion I no longer feel like my only happiness is sitting on a computer which further complicates the relationship aswell due to my passion requiring a different living location than she is thinking of. this whole thing has left me utterly miserable, confused, unsure of my feelings and whether or not I’m an asshole for thinking this way or what I should even do from here.