Trust issues

About 2 years ago I reconnected with my high school sweetheart. We were living in different states but always talked and visited each other. It wasn’t long after that we fell in love and agreed that we both wanted to commit ourselves to each other. We constantly had the “trust talk” and he asked me to move in with him. Everything seemed to be perfect and We were blissfully happy. Shortly after he asked me to marry him. A few months after we got married I found out that all wasn’t  what it seemed. Turns out that the whole time that we were together before I moved down, he was talking to his ex’s, sexting different women online, was on hookup sites and was texting multiple women for sex. He swore to me that he never actually hooked up with anyone but was just lonely and wanted attention because I wasn’t here yet. He apologized and it took months for us to try to get past it, but the trust was broken. I tried to forgive him and move on but it seemed impossible. He changed everything he did so that I would trust him but there was always this doubt in my mind. Shorty after I got pregnant. He refused to touch me during my pregnancy  because he was scared of hurting the baby. 🙄 to say our marriage was strained is a understatement. I caught him watching porn multiple times and tried explaining to him why it hurt me. He thought I was just being emotional and ridiculous. Jump to now, after I had the baby, he still gets off on porn more then he touches me, constantly looking at naked women online and following them on instagram.

I’m at a loss here. I know it’s normal for men to watch porn and to look at women. But I’m terrified that he’s talking to these women. I don’t know if my anxiety from this is due to the hurt that he’s already caused and I’m being over paranoid. Or if I’m in the right to be upset. He doesn’t seem to under why this bothers me so much and he hasn’t stopped even though I’ve asked him to. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him but I’m terrified of being hurt again.

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