So I started a new job 2 months ago and have been doing most of the closing shifts, there was this one time I didn’t have a ride home during closing. So the guy I was closing with offered me a ride. A bit info on this guy (let’s call him Chris) , he’s somewhat charismatic and I can tell with the women at work they like him more than the other men at work. I don’t talk to anyone at work due to me just naturally liking my privacy. Well Chris is the closest person I have as friend at work, after a couple of closing shifts together we were on friendly terms. However, after the night he offered me a ride home I’m a little confused where this friendship lies. Weeks prior we closed, he would say certain things which would sit weirdly with me, but I’d brush it off cause we’re coworkers. It went from lighter things like what friends would ask like, you seemed stress, your perfume smells nice to things like; your really intense( which I would ask him what he means and he’d say your just interesting ) , and why are you so critical about yourself ( which is a big insecurity of mine) and kind of nitpicking every word I said to where I would feel a bit vulnerable . Well when he drove me home it was a normal ride and I probably should’ve left it like that but I asked him if he wanted to smoke a joint with me and he said yes.I was really just bored and wanted to get high that night, and getting high with someone else is more fun. He’s kind of my higher up at my job so he wasn’t really supposed to be smoking a joint with me, but I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone (cause I really don’t care to be honest). Well after we smoked the mood was different( it could also be because I was high) and I told him “I don’t think we should ever do this again,” and he jokingly said “but wait I owe you weed now,”. Well we were in the shift the next day, and (me being when I’m weirded out by something) I avoided him the whole day until closing and I asked him if he was safe driving home the other night. It might be me but the vibe is a bit off and i can tell he thinks the same. It isn’t even a dirty secret, but it feels like one. Do I have a crush on this guy? Probably. Do I want to? No, mostly because I don’t know if his intentions are genuine friendship.
Wednesday, August 10, 2022