Struggling with monogamy

Alrighty, so I’ve got this incredible girlfriend; sweet, smart, funny, kind, supportive, romantic, ticks basically all the right boxes, but– I’m Pansexual, and recently I’ve been struggling with the idea that I’m never gonna get the chance to be with a guy (never have before, not since I was a kid, and definitely not sexually). At the moment I’m feennin for my personal trainer who’s fuckin /hot as hell/, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, because she’s amazing and I love her, but I’m worried I’m going to feel like I’m missing out for the rest of my life.. We started ‘dating’ before I was at the legal age of consent, so I never got the chance to have a Hoe stage, and I’m kinda bummed. I’ve brought up the idea of open/polyamorous relationships to her, but she’s totally against even the idea of it (thinks love can’t be shared) and I dunno, man, I’m just feeling pretty gutted. I’m not worried that I’m going to cheat on her, but I /want/ to do /something/. I know there’s not really a question in here, but I dunno, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place; wondering if anyone has any advice, or if my choices are really either sucking it up and being disappointed for the rest of my life, ‘sucking it up’ one time and just ?? not telling her ??, or breaking up with her…. None of which I’m at all happy with.. Do you think it’s possible she might change her mind about an open relationship?

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