Still Lacking Self-Confidence 3 years after girlfriend’s infidelity

A little over two years ago my girlfriend cheated with her ex.  He is also part of a larger friend group so we have run into him at social outings a handful of time since the incident.  I confronted him very early after the incident and had an adult conversation, though I think he’s a piece of shit still.  My girlfriend initially lied to me about it–giving my a shade of the truth until I found out the entire truth and she finally came clean.  It has been 3 years and I have been killing myself to stay in the best shape of my life out of some sort of anxiety that she is not longer attracted to me (thinking that the reason for cheating was a lacking in me).  Needless to say I am struggling with self confidence.  I hate myself periodically, especially when I feel unappreciated by my girlfriend.  I get angry when we encounter him in public and I am furious with her friend group for not kicking him out after what happened.  Everyone is content to sweep it under the rug because it did not affect them at all.  I am miserable and not sure how to confront the issue of seeing him (reopening the wound periodically) and not being able to deck him, and I am wearing my body down with occasional injuries to maintain what I think is a desirable physique for her.  I know it is 99% in my head but I was truly devastated and I don’t think I was hard enough on her during the 6-month period after her infidelity.

One thought on “Still Lacking Self-Confidence 3 years after girlfriend’s infidelity

  1. This has absolutely nothing to do with you!
    I was in a similar situation a year ago and I’m still beating myself over it today. No one cheated physically but there was an emotional stray which is just as bad in my opinion.
    I kept on comparing myself to her and started to find reasons to justify why my two closest friends, her being my closest friend since high school, were spending all their time together and I was a third party in my relationship.
    You speak about it to them but because they do not see it as a deep betrayal as you do, you start to look like a crazy person. But I assure you that you’re not.
    You need to be in a space where you are heard and understood and loved and she needs to show you that she made the mistake and is willing to turn it around, or maybe it’s something that’s too big for you to forgive, which is okay.
    I get where you’re coming from, some time has passed, this advise came 6 months too late but there’s never too much time passed to begin healing properly. If you need to bring it up again for the sake of your sanity, please open your mouth.
    There’s not a day that’s passed and I don’t think about it and this is because I never felt like I was fully heard and understood.
    As much as you wanna him deck him, he owes you no loyalty, she does.
    The one reason I’m still with my boyfriend is because he took the initiative to withdraw himself from her and the one reason myself and her don’t speak that much is because to her, I’m too sensitive and she’d rather have him in her life than me.
    Some things you only just need to be quiet and observe.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m fragile. Your’e fragile. Not everyone is as sensitive( I’m reclaiming this word. It’s beautiful and it’s us- it’s humanity)
    Take care of yourself. You come first ALWAYS. Don’t ever forget that. If you find that you give and give and get nothing in return, there’s people out there who want to share with you.
    Know your love language. Study yourself and know who you are and what you want from your relationships and don’t ever for once think that you asking to be treated with respect and the same way she expects you to treat her is you asking for too much.
    If all of this is too long to remember. Remember this: Speak your mind! Communicate! Scream if you have to. It detoxes your soul.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.