Should I Give Up Or Try To Make It Work?
Buckle up, this is a long one!
I met this girl on Tinder in January. We started talking and getting to know each other, but never met in person until April because of cold feet/busy schedules. The first date we went on was amazing, and all subsequent dates have been pretty good as well. She is a very busy girl who goes to college full time and works every other weekend. She had been working all summer during break from college, but had days off every now and then where we arranged to meet up for dinner dates. The problem is, she lives a good distance away (around 20 miles). Long story short: I was unable to drive all the way to her place, but we often agreed to meet halfway (where our favorite dinner date was located) since we both drive. Little did I know, this irritated her, which she told me about later on, and hasn’t stopped complaining about it. Her wish was to be picked up, and I don’t blame her for that, but I do wish she was more understanding of why I couldn’t.
As a result, she thinks I made no effort, and has blamed me for us not seeing each other as often as either of us would have liked. She makes it as if we never went out, but we have gone on many dates. More than I have with any of my past girlfriends combined. The truth of the matter is, she worked so much, that we haven’t had many days where we could plan something. When we did, we went through with our plans all but 2 times. Not bad to be honest. However, she is firm in her belief that I could have done more to see her, although she very clearly told me she needed to split those days off between seeing me and her 2 best friends, which I had no problem with. It just seems like she forgets how much she had to work and is putting all the blame on me. She suffers with anxiety, and although I have been very supportive of her, she’s been treating me very different because she feels she needs more from me.
She has since started back up with her final year of college, which is only 3 miles away from me, but still lives at home (20 miles away) while looking for an apartment close to school, so her commute each day is a terrible 40 miles total. I thought that once she started back at school, and got a place nearby, we would be able to see each other a lot more, which has somewhat been the case (I visit her on campus during breaks because I work nearby) and have taken her for coffee breaks and walks, but she promises me this isn’t good enough based on how things went during the busy summer. As a result, she is very rude when we speak on the phone, or through text. She thinks every explanation I have is just an excuse. When we are in person, it is a different story. She’s as delightful as a girl can be, and is every bit the girl I fell in love with. On the phone, she brings up these other things she feels I’m failing at, such as not buying her gifts often (even though I have bought her flowers and a few other things I was saving for her birthday). She wants frequent gifts, and says it’s a problem that she hasn’t be getting them.
When we first met, she told me she was independent enough to pay for her our dates sometimes, and split the bill. I told her I was uncomfortable with that, but she insisted, so I listened. I footed the entire bill on half our dates. She footed the entire bill on about 3 of our dates, and the rest we split down the middle, or paid for what we individually ordered. She now says this is a problem and feels I should have footed the bill even more. That wouldn’t have been a problem if she would have told me that from the start, instead of making me believe at first that she was fine with having a 50/50 relationship.
I love this girl, because when we are together, she is honestly amazing and I have no complaints. We used to talk about marriage, but that now gives her anxiety (which is another long story in itself). We also never argue when we are together…but on the phone or through text, we argue more than anything else now. What should I do? Should I keep trying with this girl, and hoping that when she moves closer and we see each other even more often that things will improve? Or should I let her go since she apparently is falling out of love with me based on what happened months ago during the summer?