Last night, my fiance and I attended a Mother’s Day dinner with my side of the family. It was organised by my sister, who had informed me that everyone should bring cash to make settling the bill easier. The restaurant could split and take card, however, cash was my sister’s preference. I forgot to pass this information on to my fiance for reasons I don’t even know or understand. We don’t live together as of yet (cultural reasons), so it was important that I let him know so he could come prepared. Anyway, it came time to pay the bill and he wanted to pay for the both of us but he didn’t have any cash. He was going to pay by card, but then my mum decided to pay for us. She did not know he didn’t have cash, she simply paid for him out of her own desire without even speaking to us about it. This infuriated my fiance. He called me a dickhead and swore at me for repeating the same mistake (not telling him an importance piece of information). There were two family members sitting nearby and although they acted aloof, I believe they heard him. It was extremely belittling and humiliating to be spoken to like this in public. He tried to say it quietly but I think it was loud enough to be heard if close enough. Regardless of volume or context, he shouldn’t be speaking to me like that. I feel inadequate and insecure for repeating the same mistake which he was upset with me for just recently, but at the same time I am deeply hurt by the way he spoke to me. The shame he made me feel far outweighs the consequences of what my mistake did to him, at least that’s what I think. I have no clue why I keep repeating the same mistakes, it is not intentional. Our relationship is strong, happy and loving. I love him endlessly so I just cannot fathom why I keep doing this. Has anyone had similar experiences? How do we address this issue? I am not one to play the blame game, I just want to forgive, be forgiven and move on to a better, stronger path.
Monday, November 28, 2022