Repair or Trash?

So there’s this online friend I have. First of all, I know many people don’t take relationships like this seriously, and many aren’t. I’ve had countless of chat partners but only a couple that has led to a connection. But it’s real.

To put it all in a summary, we both have been dealing with depression but we have different ways to cope. His has been alcohol and weed. Mine has been cutting.

So a bit over a month ago I decided that in an attempt to improve myself I’ll focus on just me and no other relationships for just a month. I told him of course.

The duration has since passed but when I talked to him again he was very angry. At first I thought maybe he’d just moved on but he started saying that I just ignored him and that he didn’t care if I didn’t want to message him.

He calmed down a bit later but then he said he’s been using MDMA a lot this month. It scared me because he said that weed and alcohol was boring and admitted it could be dangerous. I asked him to stop. He said he would maybe stop if I stopped cutting.

We didn’t really get anywhere but I just ended up threatening him and him saying that I’m stupid and that I need to come to Europe (my home country is there and it’s also where he lives)

I asked him when he got off work but he didn’t reply me. I don’t know.

I just feel as if what we’re doing isn’t good and I also feel like I messed it all up. I just think we’re making each other feel worse and I don’t think he has any interest/energy in trying to get us back to normal.

That said he is a good friend and if he needs my support I want to be there for him. I regret being away from him but I honestly thought he’d be fine. I don’t want him to end up in a worse and worse cycles or drugs, but if I’m being toxic to him I want to get out of his life asap.

I’m just really confused and would appreciate any advice or guidance. I can’t see this objectively.

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