Please help- no idea what to do

Hi, I’ve had feelings for a guy for years. I couldn’t figure him out. When I met him I was overcoming severe relationship PTSD. I had a psychotic break down and ended up in hospital. I’d had a broken heart and I couldn’t go on dates or anything. He had a relationship a couple of years ago and was madly in love with a woman whilst I still didn’t know him well, was around him and I was overcoming my relationship trauma. It was before I could go on dates again. I ran into him recently. He’s mourning an ex I think he’s still involved with, and he has at least one other woman who wants a long term relationship with him. I feel freaked out and because I’m at a very different point in my life with my relationships, his emotional stuff scares and upsets me. It reminds me of how I felt years ago, but very different circumstances. He makes me feel self-destructive. His heart belongs to someone else, the emotions are drained out of him and I was around him throughout the process, unknowingly with a lot of relationship trauma and fear of relationships. I get negative/defensive vibes from him. It takes a lot of energy for me to find him and I haven’t spoken to him, we’ve been around each other and he’s intrigued me but the trepidation is starting to effect me negatively. He makes me feel suicidal and a part of me wants to just walk away, pick myself up and focus on new relationships. When I began overcoming my relationship trauma last year I turned my back on the past and decided it was too triggering and I had to shut it out to focus on the present and be open to new relationships. I’d seen therapists and I’d been working to build up my self-esteem etc. I have a lot of issues and inner conflict about deciding what to do. Can you please help? I’ve had feelings for men who have been in relationships and it’s harder for me to detach from this guy who is between relationships- the emotions are muddier. I feel like it’s a car accident I can’t look away from. I’m in self-preservation mode

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