Partner decided to have a kid (one-sided decision, loveless marriage)

I really need help. My partner told me that she was using a contraceptive pills and only told me she was pregnant 4 months later. I told her to abort the baby because I was in college and she doesn’t even have a diploma and not job prospects but yet she wanted the baby without us being financially stable. This means she is completely reliant on me for rent, food and everything else. She has a toxic attitude, passive aggressive and even my mother told me I will be miserable if I marry her. I already wanted to break up with her before the baby and I think she trapped me.

During this time after she had the baby, I actually found someone that genuinely loves me and I love her back with all my heart. She makes me feel better and makes me better. She knows that my “partner” trapped me. I would move to another country for her and have no regrets. I am generally someone who is strong minded but right now I have suicidal thought, depressed and finding myself wanting to be alone even from my mother and family.

I am in complete internal turmoil because I really want to spend the rest of my life with the person I love her with all I have but at the same time I can’t just leave my kid like that and make her wonder where am I. I will of course pay for their expenses without any discussion. If a child unconsciously absorbs the behaviors and emotions of the people they witness, how would my kid turn out because we argue a lot. I don’t want my kid to have the idea that it is okay to argue like we do and implant something toxic. I love my kid but I resent my partner for making this decision on her own and sucking me into this and destroying my chance of having a happy life with the person I truly love. My kid is two now.

My partner is in Peru but the person I love is in USA. I am in Malaysia.

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