My partner is on the sofa

Hi there,

My partner comes back from work at unpredictable times. He’s not good at telling me when he will be home, if he’s going to be with friends, whether he has a meeting or some other thing on. I hate being at home not knowing when he’s coming, if I should prepare us dinner. It’s hurtful – I know he had a busy life and I’m happy for him, but I’m home a lot and I like to be at home. But I hate that I’m waiting for him all the time. I’ve told him to let me know his evening plans, that he should respect my time and keep me in the loop.
A few weeks ago he told me he was on his way, but returned drunk at 4am. I was mad, and sad and hurt that he hadn’t communicated or answered his phone. I cried, relieved that he came back, fearful that I may have to consider breaking up with him because he’s not changing this behaviour even though it has a simple solution: to communicate better.

It happened again tonight. I asked him if he wants me to make us dinner, he said he’d call me right back but didn’t, returning 4 hours later. I didn’t speak to him, I’m sad and hurt – I need him to know that I’m serious.

He chose to sleep on the sofa. He’s never done this before. I’m scared I might have to break up with him even though I don’t want to.

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