My husband struggles with depression. It has affected our marriage in many ways, but we have always been able to work through it. We’ve been married 5 years and are expecting our first child. I think his depression is affecting his motivation to finish school. My husband was in school when we got married, just doing his general classes because he didn’t know what he wanted to do for a living. He has taken a few breaks since then to just work full time, specifically when I was finishing up my trade school in the beauty industry so that I wouldn’t have to work while in school, and I was okay with him taking his time while trying to decide a career path. Right now he has a pretty good full time job working at a local grocery store that is just enough to pay the bills and with health insurance, but it’s not enough for us to buy a house one day or support more children. It may not even be enough with my income to rent a 3 bedroom apartment where we live (currently we rent from my husband’s grandfather for very, very cheap.) I work part time now and have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I told him I’m willing to work at least until he finishes school. He finally decided he wants to be a chiropractor, and I fully support his decision no matter how many more years of school that means, but he won’t go back to school. He keeps saying he will when the next semester starts, but then always misses the deadline to register. I continue to remind him gently and remind him that I’m here to help if he’s nervous about going back since it’s been a while, but he won’t really talk to me about it. He either shuts me down or changes the subject. He is seeing a therapist for his depression right now, and he seems to be liking it. But I don’t see any progress with his motivation to do something with his life. He is a very strong-willed person- able to do anything he sets his mind to- and very smart, learns quickly. Those are some qualities that attracted me to him in the first place. But I just don’t see that in him these days. He seems content not moving forward and won’t make the sacrifices now needed to provide us a better future. I have tried to be patient with him all these years, but with our baby on the way, I feel more of an urgency with the issue. I know some families have stay at home dads and the moms have careers, but my vocation as an esthetician is not enough to support a family alone, and even if it were, we had agreed when we got married that he would be the breadwinner of the family and I would only have to work when necessary, or if I have the desire and we have the means for child care. That is the family dynamic he still agrees on, but he won’t take the steps necessary to make it happen- aka go back and finish school! I don’t know what to do.
Saturday, November 27, 2021