Is it normal for my girlfriend not to have her boyfriend on social media? (The root of MANY other issues)
My girlfriend refuses to have me on social media. She has NEVER had social media in her life until we met and then she created a Facebook Instagram profile and began adding people. She insists that she should be allowed to have her social media private from me. She says it’s not strange, despite I consider it to be very odd NOT to have your partner on Instagram and Facebook (particularly for a girl who wants to constantly take selfies of us, says she loves me all day).
A little more context. My girlfriend and I have lived together for a year and been in a relationship for 2 years. Like a dream, like a movie, she was extremely romantic and in love with me and us. The past year we have lived together in different countries and created lots of wonderful memories. She however has ALWAYS kept her Facebook and Instagram private (in the beginning she didn’t use it for a very long time but the past few months have been VERY different).
She spent 10 months abroad studying English but was extremely committed to me/us (to the point of planning our travel in multiple countries, creating photo albums completely of me, writing a daily diary about what she dreamt of us doing together in the future. A book she’d later give to me in Korea). She however wanted to keep her life over there fairly private as she didn’t disclose to me about friends despite the fact that we met because I WAS her private English teacher and supported her to go abroad, especially any friends she made who were men, she chose not to disclose this. At the beginning of our relationship, she claimed that men and women can’t just be friends & that it creates jealously issues (a strong cultural norm in Korea) and so that it would be wrong for me to have any female friends.
Fast forward a year we are in Greece since she wanted to move to live in Greece with me until we moved to Canada together. She doesn’t know anyone here and we live fairly separate from others as we have lived in 3 different countries over the past year.
I had to return to the UK for a month and I will return back to her in 2 days. I’ve recently discovered that her Instagram has begun to fill with random to people (not only her friends from her studies abroad). This is VERY odd seeing as she spends most hours of the day on the phone to me and she doesn’t know anyone or speak Greek. Quite literally random greek men…
When I’ve asked her about it or tried to sit down to talk about it as a couple. It’s only made her angrier and more frustrated, resulting in her saying she will ‘never tell me anything about her day or what she’s doing’.
She had set her profile picture on both Facebook & Instagram, to be her in a bikini. Something very out of place for her since she has never done this on any of her apps where she can upload photos. I explained my concern about this and stated that I would prefer my girlfriend didn’t do this since it would only create trouble…
Of course, this only attracted unwanted attention (strange men/random men/random adds from greek/turkish men) and created stress and issues for OUR relationship. She is now accepting anyone she happens to meet or run into whenever she’s out, anyone that asks for her Instagram. Some of who, being people I would consider inappropriate. Men that approach her because she is a beautiful Asian girl here with me in Greece. Men trying to sleep with her (thinking she is a tourist), much older rich men with bad intentions one footballer (this week who’s Instagram is 100% nearly naked sefies). These people are irrelevant and pointless, considering we are moving to Canada together, which was only put on hold due to the pandemic.
She defends herself by saying I have no right to be involved or to ask her not to do something. “Why should I do something just because my boyfriend asks/tells me to?!!!!!!”. Despite seeing and knowing that it upsets me and has such an effect on me and that it is the cause of the issues and arguments we are having.
Her Instagram now has some selfies of herself in her bikinis sharing about a day with a new friend that she’s made. That’s okay, however, due to her mistreating this situation and including lots of men, this has created inappropriate attention also.
She wants to keep BOTH her Facebook & Instagram private, (in order to keep private who she’s met/her friends from abroad and her activity) despite that we live together and have in multiple countries. She claims I am strange for not accepting this, even with all the issues it’s created. My friends say it’s extremely odd and pretty unfaithful. I consider it absolutely unacceptable and her telling me she loves me every day and wanting to continue on like normal as if everything is okay, is insulting. She can have ANYONE she wants in the world (which creates so many issues) but doesn’t want to include her partner in her life on social media…