My Boyfriend and I have officially been in a relationship for one year now. We started off as friends over 2 years ago, and grew closer, until I jumped him one night about a year ago, after we had had several discussions around sex and shared a lot with each-other about relationships. I’m 31 and he is 51. He is a seriously sweet guy, who cares immensely about the safety and well-being of others. He is very fit and extremely muscular for his age. In the first month, or honeymoon phase, we had lots of fun, having sex every time that we met, he’d whisper all of the right things in my ear, and even bragged about how he was positive that he would increase my confidence. The sex was amazing! After one month though, it came to a sudden stop. Nothing was getting him in the mood all of the sudden, and then one night, about 2 weeks after the final time we had sex, I came up behind him, kissed him passionately and began rubbing both of his sore legs. He said very softly, without looking at me….”I’m sorry sweety, but I haven’t been feeling very sexual lately”.
My boyfriend never has sex with me anymore and makes me feel humiliated when I try to initiate. Is it me? What should I do?
After that, I waited and still we were not having sex anymore. He would still give me long kisses, and rubs me to sleep at night, but we were not getting it on anymore. I therefore decided to get brave, and start being more aggressive in initiating. However, he always rejected. He would start kissing me in bed and I’d move my hand slowly down to his area, and he would gab my hand, or slap it away and say “stop” or “no”. He’d ask me to rub his legs, and I’d do it, and eventually start rubbing his junk and he just responded with “why are you rubbing me there”, or “I should’ve known you were going to do that”? I’d tell him “you know why”, and he’d say “well, cut it out”, or just “I’m sorry sweety”. The last time I really tried, we were sitting on the couch, snuggled up together, while watching a movie and I gently began rubbing his crotch towards the end of the movie. He then responded, after a few minutes, with “Do you want to watch the movie, or not”, I responded “I do”. And I looked at him, and he said “Well, you don’t seem to be enjoying it at all, and instead you’re just rubbing my crotch.” I had the hardest time not crying at that very moment, and felt so humiliated. Since, then I stopped trying and it’s been nearly 11 months since we last had sex. Since that last, harsh rejection, he still kisses me, and even comes over and rubs my breast when I’m dressing to leave for work. He walks around naked, and knows I like it; he is so hot! He’s even started using the L word within the past 2 months, for the first time. I have yet to say, I love you back, because I’m feeling so insecure now, and feel like I’ve lost that closeness/that intimate connection I’ve always wanted since we no longer have sex. He’s even asked me to come live with him, and I let him know that I’m not ready for that, but did not tell him that if we were having sex regularly, that would almost definitely be different.
Is it me? What do I do?