My anxiety shuts me down
So I’ve always thought to myself I’d have a wife and kids some day. In fact right around now I should have a serious relationship. Anyway I remember in 9th grade thinking, “Pff I’ll have a girlfriend by senior year at least, it’d be impossible for me not to.” Well I’m 21 now and no dice, I’ve dated at least though but I’ve just been dropped for one reason or another. Recently I’ve just accepted that I’ll never find anyone and I’m not meant to I guess. Also by the way I’m a Christian and I don’t cuss or drink or anything so finding any women my age like that is seemingly impossible. I’ve tried several dating sites of course, yielding only a few dates that left me further sunken into the impending realization that I’m not meant to be with anyone. Also I’m not trying to sound conceited but I’ve heard from other people that a lot of women think that I’m hot but my timidness apparently gets in the way, we’ll im sorry. I feel it a waste to not have someone. So I’m basically venting my bad. Ok so now there’s this woman where I work who’s just about as pretty as can be, my social skills don’t allow me to do anything other than just look and admire her. I’ve slowly found out that she doesn’t cuss terribly and that she believes in God and what not and she’s super nice and everything. I honestly think my mental health is degrading at this point because I just cannot bring myself to ever do anything about being with someone, I constantly mentally breakdown telling myself that I just can’t, I can’t I can’t I can’t it doesn’t work it just doesn’t work. And so I’m left alone to wallow in my own insanity. There’s always people that’ll say you can’t be afraid of rejection but I think I’d rather purposefully miss opportunities than be hurt and depressed. So I don’t know if I should do anything about this woman or not. To the public I’m normal and boring but underneath I’m terribly weird and fun and caring and my goodness I respect women so much, and really isn’t sarcasm. But that doesn’t seem to be what gets one.