let’s start off with a few basics to follow back on before i get going
I have always been really bad about taking my depression medicine
i was raised in a religious household
I was raised to always keep my mouth shut when i had an issue to avoid causing more problems
So my wife and i have been together for 4 years now. It’s been a wild ride. For a full year she was in a manic episode and emotionally abused me and constantly accused me of cheating and being a really terrible person. All of that is over but it’s still caused some mental issues for me.
Now moving a few years forward, she is changing a lot very rapidly and expects me to change at the same pace as her. A few weeks ago she gave me an ultimatum. Either i start taking my medicine every day (which is understandable), join in with her best friend and be more involved in their facetimes, communicate more, and except the fact that she’s quitting her job to do sex work. All of this needs to change or she’s leaving me at the end of our lease. It’s been about two weeks now and i’ve gotten a lot better at the majority of those things. I’ve been talking with her friend and having a good time, ive been going to the doctor and taking my medicine on a daily basis, and i’ve been helping her with the job she wants to do now. It was really hard for me to accept her being in sex work due to how i grew up but i knew if i didn’t accept it i would end up divorced. Last night we went out drinking because she wanted to even though she knows i hate drinking. I hate how it makes me feel and the taste of it but i went anyways to make her happy. Immediately when we got home she went on facetime with her friend instead of spending time with me to “celebrate” like she said we were going to. It upset me because i feel like i get none of her time and i’ve talked to her about it more than a handful of times. I didn’t say anything about it last night or until about 2pm today when she asked me what was wrong. I explained and she got mad at me for not communicating. I do understand that’s a huge part of marriage and i am trying to work on that as well but it’s a bit more difficult when it’s not a daily thing. She said “you told me you would change but you haven’t” yet i’ve been working so hard to change everything but that’s something that’s been beaten into my head since i was a child. It’s harder to knock that but i’m trying. She has said nothing about my improvements and now i’m starting to feel like i’ll never be good enough whether i change or not. What is your outlook on the situation? What else can i do to be better? I’m lost.