I have been with this woman for almost 4 years, that i have known for about 17 years. We both have daughters from previous marraiges and have been living together as one big family for about a year and a half. The other night she begged me to explain what was bothering me, and I finally caved and expressed my concern that she may be in the beginning stages of a substance abuse problem. She is a daily drinker, but I almost never drink. Lately there have been multiple occasions where she seems to genuinely forget (blackout) entire conversations and such. She is prescribed some commonly abused medications and her doctor recently refused to refill a certain prescription. She was desperate, in pain and miserable without it and asked me to see if I could find some. Years ago a family member of mine had a drug addiction and after coming up empty from every person I could think to ask, I made the mistake of asking that family member. That family member came through almost immediately, but something they said crushed my heart. My family member made me realize that I had asked him to associate with the very type of people that I was so hard on them to drop from their lives in effort to get and stay clean. I attempted to explain that this was different because it was a prescribed nedication that she needed and was just trying to cover a gap in the prescription. My family member told me “yea, thats exactly how it starts… I didnt wake up one day as a drug addict”. That deeply affected me and she could read it on my face that night. The problem is that when I expressed my concerns, she in turn became highly defensive and began attacking me for all types of random things that did not make sense, or at least that I could follow. Now she asks me for “absolute avoidance” and I slept on the couch (first time we have slept apart sinve the first night we slept together) she doesnt want to talk to me. She said that I make her misersble and I was the reason she drinks so much, but early in our relationship when I asked about her drinking, she said it was because of her job and an abusive relationship she had gotten out of. She even at one point asked me for help in moderating her drinking, but when I mentioned that, she accused me of wesponizing that “one time” ask for help and that she has her problem under control, but because she has to wake up next to me every morning and now shes miserable more than not… I know she is highly defensive with a blend of nearly conceited confidence, while simultaneously having low self esteem issues. She is beautiful and smart, and really has nothing to be self conscious about, but we do occasionally have fun joking around and exaggerating arrogance. I am unsure if this is real true feelings or if she is just angry as hell because I seemingly attempted to force her to face her problem? We are normally a very happy and healthy relationship so such mean and hutful lashing out was a bit of a shock for me. My daughters are still young and I am concerned about just uprooting them and going to stay somewhere else while this plays out, and unsure how she really feels. She absolutely will not talk to me without disdain anger and berating sarcasm while telling me she doesnt want to talk to me at all. WTF do I do?