My partner and I are both 21, been together during university and it’s close to a 3 year relationship.
I don’t think it’s true love/meant to be forever etc and that’s my issue. In myself and personality, I do find I am quite detached and unemotional at times, and I’m unsure if that makes me feel less interested. He is a really nice guy, makes me laugh, I do find him attractive etc… However, my main issue is that I find his personality and attitude lazy and unmotivated. I often feel like his mother (nagging and reminding him of things) and when it comes to stuff such as academic work he’s the person that will finish his dissertation and be writing 5000 the night before. I feel as though it’s his unmotivated attitude that makes me feel uninterested. I often feel very depressed and low and my home situation is pretty rubbish, I find my family toxic (very controlling at home, walking on egg shells around my dad incase he shouts and argues for doing something wrong, there are house rules about not using certain toilets or not being allowed to sit in certain rooms or only being allowed food and drink in the kitchen etc…, lots of strange house rules I don’t agree with) and make me feel even more depressed, the town I live in has 0 career opportunities and the nearest city is over 30 minutes drive away and, my bf has said I can live with him for a few months (his town has many more opportunities compared to mine) after we finish the semester and our tenancy ends. I feel awful as he’s a nice guy but I don’t think it’s what it was or I have strong feelings for him anymore but I don’t want to go back home, I don’t think I could last and my mental health would plummet. I feel as I’m using him as an option to escape going home, his family are lovely and treat me as their own but I feel awful as I don’t have strong feelings. What do I do?
I have spoken to him about my home situation and how I feel he is unmotivated and needs to start thinking about our options/future if we stay together but it often ends in an argument and he thinks I’m just saying he’s a lazy piece of crap (I’m really not I want him to succeed, I’m just concerned). I just feel we’re both on a different level maturity wise. For instance, he will quite literally play video games all day. The past couple of weeks during the COVID isolation he has pretty much played video games everyday till we go to bed with minimal academic work being done (deadlines are fast approaching). I just don’t think that’s healthy or productive. I’ve asked about going on a morning walk with me and he brushes it off, says no, he will be asleep etc…. I just feel like he’s lazy and needs to wake up and smell the coffee, we’re 21 not 12. His personality is kind and sweet but his motivation and career drive is 0. What do I do?