I have been in the same relationship for 11 years, married for 6. I love my wife dearly. Over the past two years I was overcome with constant pain and went into the doctor for IBS. After over a year of nothing improving I changed doctors, and the new one had me treated for 2 kidney stones, one in each kidney, both over a centimetre in size. I also have adult ADHD and this was untreated all my life, so the situation increased my stress and caused major depression, anxiety, and my IBS symptoms. I am now treated for both ADHD and Depression.
My wife since our second child who is now 6, has had reduced libido, much, much less than it was before that. During the pregnancy, the placenta wall separated and caused hemorrhaging. Obviously, she survived the experience, but since then she has had these infrequent and VERY heavy episodes of flow every menstrual cycle. In addition, we have had sex for 6 years since without a condom or any kind of contraceptive, and I have not pulled out in all that time. I am concerned about a medical issue, but I have not been able to encourage her to go and check it out with our doctor.
My wife is my best friend. We talk and know each other intimately. I know she loves me because she has been here this whole time, taken care of myself and the kids at the expense of herself for so many years. I try to make her as comfortable and stress free as possible. She knows and accepts that I am bisexual, though I have never truly acted on the impulse since before we were together, and back then I didn’t really know. She knows that I have a hyperactive libido for my age. I rarely go a day without masturbating 1-2 times, and she doesn’t mind that I use porn for that. Hell, she says she is not really against the idea of a more open relationship, but that is fraught with problems and uncertainty. Namely, I doubt I am in any state to attract another woman/man (I’m particular about what kind of men I find attractive, women I am way less picky), nor am I certain she could really accept that.
In the bedroom she is…prudish. She doesn’t like me going down on her because she is embarrassed by her juices. In fact, I actually feel like she doesn’t really like any of the fluids and stuff in sex all too much. She’s fine with me cumming in her, and she likes it, but she is super quick to clean up after sex. I struggle to find any tactile erogenous zones to induce a state of arousal, and most sexual encounters feel somewhat obligatory. She is not interested in toys or is embarrassed to use them. She will suck me off, but again it seems like she does it because I like it, not because she actually enjoys giving oral. She doesn’t masturbate and just generally seems uninterested in sex or arousal.
I need more intimacy. I need more exploration in the bedroom. I need more frequency. I have always had a high libido. I started masturbating when I was 9 or 10? After my first experience with porn. I want lingerie, strap-ons, general toys, oral, anal and all the things. I would love an experience with a Tgirl, or an attractive man. While I still find her attractive, sometimes I can’t stay up or get off as the sex just doesn’t keep my interest. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to damage my relationship with the woman I love, but its really hard to fight my base nature. Any help?