He Disappeared And I Wish I Knew Why

Downstairs neighbor  [m] and I [f] have mutual attraction and it finally started to manifest into reality. We began hanging out and texting a lot. He started to put some moves on me too. Usually I go at a pretty fast clip, but I took it slowly because I liked him and this was also a tricky situation because he lived so close. Also, I was careful because I didn’t want to dive in and regret it.  But, then, tragedy… he had to leave the country very quickly and moved pretty much from the east coast to the west coast. For some people, that would be it, but our circumstances are different. He has quite a lot of money and is retired. I only work part of the year. So in my mind, moving away didn’t mean we should end it. In fact, it made it interesting. I have lots of free time and can go visit him, and he could come fly near by and I could drive to meet him. It was still doable! All he had to do was want to!

He was never a great texter when he lived under me. I texted him once a day and at some point he’d respond to it. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I just kind of went along with him. I asked him a few times if he wanted me to stop, and he always said no, that he really was glad for it. He didn’t have many people in his life, so I felt like I was if nothing else a good friend. I just happened to be an attractive good friend who is attracted to my friend and I knew he was attracted to me.

Anyway, so after he moved, at first we kept up the charade of daily texts became less frequent. They went from daily to once a week and then not at all. I’d all but given up, but then he texted me again. He wrote to tell me he’d thought about our short time together and all the things we could have done. So it sort of rekindled my curiosity. I began writing him again. It seemed kind of clear what he wanted was to sext.  I ignored these but I also missed him. Finally, one night, I went along with it. He responded better than I could have imagined. It all seemed a bit silly because like we’d never even had sex or even kissed. But, still, he had a rather full picture of what was going on. And I said, listen, fly and meet me. We can do this. He said he would. He asked me what I wanted. I said, “I want you to show up.” He said, “I will.” He asked me when I was free. I told him what worked. He said he’d book a flight and we could chat the next day.
Well, next day came and went, not a word.
Then another day.
I texted him just a short silly thing. No response.
Then another.
I tried texting him a second time. Kept it light, fluffy, wanted to give him an out.
No response.
Another day goes by and now here I am, on the eve of the day we should be meeting, but obviously he didn’t book that flight. He’s not coming to see me. He’s not even talking to me.
It looks in every way to me like he ghosted. OK, I mean there were some extra circumstances I haven’t mentioned and maybe who knows what some ten thousand other problems intervened — maybe he met someone, maybe his health problems, maybe he is just an asshole. At first it was the disappointment. Another man has failed to live up to what he said he would do. I am really burned out on men who are okay with disappointing me, even though I really don’t set a high bar for them to hurdle. Show up. That’s it. That’s not hard. I guess what makes me most sad is not just  that he disappointed me — which really sucks — but that now I can’t even text with him anymore. That feels the worst of all. I really liked this person. I was willing to wait and really bide my time on him if I had to. The loss is not just some silly romantic romp… but someone I truly cared for. I am so bummed out.

One thought on “He Disappeared And I Wish I Knew Why

  1. Sometimes no answer is your answer. Guys can be cowards and not tell you why. It could be anything like he got back with his ex, met some girl at a bar wants to go that way, thinks you wanna get serious and he doesnt etc. The point is he did not respect you enough to give you a reason. Do you want that in your life… respect that is

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