I’m in denial about my relationship being a toxic one, I know this. I’ve been with him for seven years though how can I just let him go? I like to believe I’m in love with him and that he is in fact the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I just know it.
It is sort of a long distance relationship. It’s only 2 hours but it’s extremely complicated for either of us to get to each other. And this is the part where people tend to say, “Well that’s your problem.” Long distance has a very low chance of working out in the end and I’ve come to terms with it. He has left me for someone else, someone who is closer. Him and I still converse as if she doesn’t exist and when I try to talk to him about his reasons for leaving he tells me he doesn’t like talking about her with me. He’ll repeatedly say that when me and him talk that it should just be me and him…like it use to be when we were together. But how can I do that when all that’s on my mind is how they touch and kiss and how every weekend I hear nothing from him because he’s with her.
I had always planned to move back over there, where he lives and where I use to live, long before we split. I still plan on doing that in less than two years, but the issue is that if he ever asked me to be with him again should I even consider it or should I just be content with the fact that our seven year relationship was nothing more than a waste of my time.
In all honesty real love is never a waste of time in my eyes but since we separated I have reverted back to my old self. It’s not healthy and it’s sad. But with him I felt real joy and security, I felt safe and didn’t want to hide anymore. He helped me in more ways than I can count, so how do I stop myself from going down this self destructive spiral? And what should I do about those seven years of happiness?