My girlfriend and I love each other immensely. We have been dating for almost 4 years now. As with any relationship, the honeymoon phase involved the “cant keep my hands off you” type of intimacy, which gradually becomes a more stable and mature flame. We are both in our mid 20s and live together. However, for the last year or so, the sex drive is a bit off.
I’m a guy who probably needs to have sex everyday. Okay, more realistically, I’d like to be intimate everyday but really engage at least 2 times a week. Her sex drive however, is basically non-existent. She NEVER wants to initiate and when I addressed how this makes me feel and that I feel a bit unwanted, she says she finds me attractive and that she loves me, but doesnt feel the need for sex. Like 0 libido. In her words, “I could go without sex for over a month even” She has been taking some contraceptives and medication prescribed by her doctor for a medical condition involving her ovaries for over a year as well. I understand that this could be the reason and I’ve really been supportive (it was my idea to get this doc in the first place) the entire time, but now its like theres no effort. I mean I wish she’d at least try. She is a very caring and sweet person and does a lot for me otherwise, but in this aspect…like 0/10.
What do I do? It eats me up and I get frustrated. I do trust and believe what she says. Chances of her cheating is also 0. She’s a very faithful person that I can guarantee. Its just that she doesn’t initiate sex (even though I think she enjoys it more than I do). It takes me longer to orgasm and by the time I do, she’s orgasmed about 5 times (because I pleasure her that way – and no she isn’t faking it).
Is this normal? I really dont want to be the “measured couple” that thinks a relationship is a set of ingredients and you follow the recipe (“one ounce of sex on Thursdays, one pinch of hand holding at the cinemas” you get the point). What do I do? Confronting doesn’t seem to work. “She just keeps saying I know, what do I do?” Right now, I’ve switched off the sex tap/intimate boyfriend mode to get her to want it more, but I bet she doesn’t even know it.
Just a week ago, when, again, I initiated the sex and made it a fully romatic ordeal, she orgasmed 6 times in that night and said it was her “best night” ever. Yet a week later, she doesnt want more? Like WTF bro?
Please dont tell me the answers are to bring her flowers and do nice things as I do that quite often. She’s completely happy. Need some real solutions guys. Apologies for the long draft, but thought I’d vent a little, give you more context and maybe even a chuckle 🙂