I am a very genuine person. I’m good at chess, I tell funny jokes and stories, I listen to people, I like people man. I had this problem where I’d fall in love. I lot. Except now. Now it’s really bad. Now I’m genuine and realistic and nice, and all that, and everybody has a crush on me.

Spoiler alert: this is bad news for me, who falls in love, hard, with everyone o this plane of existence.

Now I’m in a situation where two people who I’ve been friends with for a long time turn out to have secretly liked me for a long time. And naturally, since they have so much in common and we’ve been such great friends, I’m already head over heels for both of them. This is starting to get really twilight and I need some help.