Does he even loved me?

Hello this is my problem i met a guy thru dating app. He is a doctor age 28 and i age 24 just a simple girl. Pardon my story, here it is im a NBSB. Then i hate having a serious relationship or being commited because of a family issue. That time i just want to lose my virginity to someone, so i downloaded this app then we had a chance to chat to that app and i tell him what i want “to lose my virginity” i like his background so i decided thats not maybe bad for a first time. On our second date i gave my virginity to him after that i ghosted him. He is so kind and im overwhelmed im not used to that kind of relationship. Deep down i know we had something the way he look ,ask me about my hobbies, my family ,my goals. He wants to text always and meet up but i dont want i have my walls i know. After 5mos i texted him then he replied who am i? Then i invite him to dinner i said i will treat him bcos he just passed his board exam. Then we met i missed him so much that im controlling myself to calm. we catched up about life.Then i told him that i sleep with another guy he keeps on asking why did i do that. He got irritable. I did that because when i try to reach to him in a first place he snobbing me.then im back to being ghosted him like if i want sex i just text same to him thats what he do. I know its my fault. I know im giving him some mixed signal that i dont like him. Dont like being in a relationship etc etc. Btw when i had an out of town one time and he wants to join i refuse. Then one time he ask me if he can cheat i just said no. Were not having officially relationship. After two weeks of not talking to him cause i trust him that he cannot cheat it happens he cheated on me. Before that i can feel that he is being cold. Then one time we go out i feel he wants to confess someting. Like he keeps on saying “youre my girl” and i refuse etc. That night after, he said there is something else i cried a lot thru phone while talking to him. He said one time “ifyou love me you will not let go of me” im so confused tho they not having sex it just a kiss he said. This year was 2017 after that i just let him go. And he said im just a special friend to him.  But deep inside im broken im considering him to be my boyfriend but shits happen i know thats my fault. One time i try to confess to him that i liked him he just laugh i had this personality that im just taking jokes. Im so overwhelm he is a doctor while i dont know what to to with my life for now. 🙁 there are times i get self pity. I know he is a good catch and he deserve someone else. So i dont contact him until this year dated april. He call and texted me we catch up and he is talking that the relationship with her current girlfriend become dull boring then ask me to have sex i said no and advice him to talk to his girl and fix it. I offer him a hug i said , then hug me so tight i did not hug back when i try to move backward he keeps on hugging me. Then he likes to track what im doing with my future i refuse to tell to him and were not friend to any social media, he keeps on insisting we should be friends were just on a mobile number. Its just sad there are times i want to know if its real or just sex only??? And i want to move on its so hard ,a part of me is afraid that there comes the time i will forget him totally. Btw he said to me that im special and i said like a cool girl that he is not special to me its like just a sex. He gone mad. Make tantrums. Asking about my plans in the future. Im planning to work abroad thats the one reason before, that i dont want to have a relationship to him.Can u help me forget him? What the ways? Actually until now im just stalking to their relationship and i noticed the girl is not that happy. I can see something in his eyes the way he looks at me, the way we make loved hays 🙁  Thank you.have a good day!

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