Did I make the right decision to let him go?

I met this guy who we started as friends, but in the process, things became physical between us sexually. I wanted something more, but he didn’t. At first, I was fine with it but then I couldn’t deal with it anymore. So I cut him off. He became angry with me and would hold my emotions against me every time and would say “you knew what this was” and “I didn’t want a relationship.” I cut him off and moved on to date other people. When I got into a relationship he became jealous and would always hope for the demise of my relationship with my current ex. During that relationship he admitted at one point he had feelings for me but never explained why he stopped having feelings for me. I’ve been in the same cycle with him for the past three years.

It starts with things going well between us, he talks about meeting his family, what our kids would look like, and that he feels like we’re going to be together forever. He would always drop these phrases, along with saying “he doesn’t want to hurt me,” “he’s messed up and can’t commit” but after things are going well things immediately flip to where he avoids me. The next thing I know he’s trying to date or is already in a relationship with another female. Along with that, I find out he’s been contacting and trying to hook up with women we are mutual friends with. He claims he cares for me, and that I will always be his and would do anything for me but I don’t feel like he means it. One minute he’s all into me, but when I reciprocate those feelings he switches and gives those feelings to someone else. It’s happened three times already, and each time I cut him off for a few months then somehow we reunite.

I will admit I love too hard and my feelings were strong, and I hid them from him for a while before fully admitting how I felt. When he knew he still wanted to continue things as casual, then distance himself without talking to me first. Every time I try to talk to him about how I feel he blames me and says “you hurt your feelings because you knew what you what you were getting into.”

With each time he only contacts me when he only wants sex or needs something to be done for him. I also noticed while he’s with me he’s talking and texting these other women. I try to brush it off because we aren’t officially a couple, but we do things that couples do. This time, I finally cut him off indefinitely. I told him how I felt about our relationship and how he treats me. Part of me feels like I did the right thing by letting him be, but the other half of me still loves him. He admits that I’m the perfect package, and any guy would be lucky to have me due to my traits, qualities, and looks but I’m honestly confused.

Can someone tell me why he does this? Why he treats me like a 2nd option but when he’s single he wants to be all over me until he finds someone else to be all over. He was my first kiss, and I lost my virginity to him. We have so much history, part of me says to leave him alone but the other half tells me to not drop history we have together. Please help.

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