I am 21 think I’m a pretty attractive guy, at least better looking than average, but I never had a girlfriend. Mostly because I’m a very shy, introverted and insecure individual. I feel lonely but have trouble getting out of my confort zone, because I fear that I could say something I shouldn’t without realizing it in the moment. These things tend to give me trouble sleeping at night and just decrease my self esteem even further, which is why I often tend to avoid it. And I don’t feel like I have a lot to offer as a person, despite what some of my relatives tell me. Which is why I have some trouble making new friends, and never had the guts to ask a girl out. But I feel that my standards might be too high, especially for a loner like me who doesn’t have much to offer.
I live in Quebec, in Canada, where most people tend to be outspoken, full of confidence in themselves and sometimes (in my opinion) superficial and vulgar, or at least it is the norm. Since I’m pretty much the opposite of all those things, I never really felt like I fitted among those kind ofpeople.
I am facinated quite a lot by Japan. Like many others, it began after starting to watch anime, but I also like a lot of things about the culture. I find the Japanese, because they don’t conform to all the western norms, to be more creative and I like how they put so much effort into being polite and thinking about other people’s feelings. These last years, I have been researching a lot about the country. I still watch anime and play games, but I also watch interviews, read texts of people sharing their experiences, learn about the way of life, and about how the society works. I study in Anthropology so I’m pretty familiar with analysing other cultures, and I have taken 4 Japanese language lesson and 1 sociology class about the country at my university. After all these years, I think I can say I know more about it than most people, despite never having been there. I know I must look like a total weeb, sometimes I even wonder I am am one, but still, I am aware of the flaws of the country and I do not deny them. I just can’t help but love it anyway, to the point I can sometimes be a little biased towards it.
I went to the Japanese cultural center of my city once, as at the time I had started my first Japanese language class, and felt pretty akward and pressured, because what I feared the most was to give a bad impression and to feel juged. Especially because of the fact that I’m aware most Japanese people tend to keep their real feelings to themselves in public. These toughts terrify me. So I felt insecure and never went back there.
Now, the thing is, I can’t deny I have a crush on a lot of Japanese girls. Not all of them of course, but I like the fashion (especially the long, straight hair and clean hairline on the forehead just above the eyes) and they also seem more introverted, calm, formal, well manered and respectful, which is more similar to me, while I feel intimidated by a lot of girls in my country, which seem more confidant and outspoken than me (something that makes me feel even worse about myself since guys are expected to look confident according to the norms of society, and I’m not like that). I also find the language extremely attractive, even if I don’t speak it fluently. And yes, I’m aware not all Japanese girls are like that, but it still seems to me that, on a superficial level at least, a lot of them have those traits, while I rarely see those in the girls of my country. I know some people are into Asian girls because they think they look more “submissive” but it is not my case at all. I just wish a kind and pretty girl would accept and love me.
But what I’m affraid of it that it is a fantasy, that I will never get with a Japanese girl (I must precise again, that I would not date a girl just for being Japanese, I would have to like her as a person) because there are too many barriers (especially the fact that I don’t speak Japanese fluently and the fact that I’m affraid to feel judged for being so overly passionate about Japan) and that these hopes are just a form of unhealthy fetishism that I ahould get rid of. And yet I still feel like I would not be as happy with a Canadian girl, that she would be a second choice (which would be pretty unfair for her). What do you think? Is it ok for me to have this fantasy, and if yes what could I do to have get the relashionship I dream of? And if it’s wrong for me to think like that how can I get rid of those unhealthy toughts? I just want to be happy in life, and if my way of thinking is wrong I want to be able to change it and to be happy with reasonable expectations.