covid quarantine

my SO is mad that I won’t see them during the covid-19 quarantine, and they refuse to talk to me until I change my mind. i tried to tell them that we need to stay apart and limit our interactions for the sake of other people, and they just got mad saying “well you still went to work and risked those people,” and that they don’t “want to talk to you until the quarantine is over, or until you change your mind and visit me” I have no clue what to do. I’ve told them many times why I can’t see them. Yet they don’t bother to understand, and keeps telling me I’m going too far with the virus and that whoever is doing what I’m doing is stupid and being idiots. We used to be so close, and I trul felt like they were the one. But now I have no clue what to do.

One thought on “covid quarantine

  1. I feel like I can adequately comment due to having a very recent break-up for the same reason. However, I was having my doubts about long-term with my BF for awhile before COVID-19. Corona Virus just really made our incompatibility more apparent.
    Although he was highly intelligent (went to Stanford University) and 10 years older than me, he never used his degree and hadn’t worked in almost 5 years; he was just barely scraping by from a rental property his father had left to him, when he passed away. He had started telling me, just before the Corona Virus pandemic hit, that he was thinking of looking for work for the first time in years. Then, once the first businesses started closing as a precaution for Corona Virus he said “Well, I was going to look for work, but now I’m just going to stay out of the way of those who will really need jobs soon.” That was a big red flag that he really wasn’t ever going to change, as he had promised, and greatly disturbed me, but I didn’t talk to him too much about that. Even though I work full-time, I was always the one traveling 30miles, one-way, to spend time with him; I talked with him countless times within the last 6months especially, about how much I would love it if he came to visit me, and how it bothered me that he never came, and yet I only got him to come once in 12months. Then the quarantine came, and he told me that we shouldn’t see eachother for the entire month, because I could potentially kill him if I came. Along with that, it would be stupid and selfish of me to potentially spread the virus across county lines. I told him that I’m deeply worried about everything that’s going on, especially those who own small businesses, and that I could really use his support and comfort during this time. He told me that he wanted to see me too, but there’s many things that many others wish they could do right now, but can’t. I was annoyed, but let it go, because I was already having my doubts and told myself that I could use some time to actually catch up on things around my place. After just after one week went by without us seeing each-other, he called me because he was deeply disappointed, because he saw that I had gone on a 30mile road cycling ride, with a married friend who lives in my town, and works from home (I had told my friend we needed to stay at least 6ft apart, and that I needed to be up front the whole time, so I wasn’t tempted to draft closely, and he complied). My BF literally opened up with telling me that I’m just plain stupid, and if I’m not stupid then he’s just been very wrong with me and that I’m a terribly selfish person. He then went on saying that I could kill him, and then asking if I was trying to kill him. He had me all upset with these acquisitions, especially since I new that he had just met with a road cycling buddy of his earlier that day, who had been out the day before road cycling with 4 other people. After 1.5 hours I calmed my boyfriend down and got the phone call to end by assuring him that I really did practice social distancing, and that he would’t be seeing me for another 3 weeks at least.
    A few days later it was the end of the weekend, and my BF texted me, asking when he was going to see him next. I told him not until the quarantine is over, like he had said. He then told me that he wished I had talked to him about that, because that is not at all what he meant (he said it’s very frustrating when I don’t communicate). Since I was momentarily excited that he actually wanted to see me, I just packed quickly and told him I was coming, then he pointed out that he had nothing to eat, and asked if I could pick up some groceries for him, because he had been too nervous to go to the grocery store. Without hesitation, I agreed, and quickly bought him over $100 worth of groceries and went over. At first he acted happy to see me, but then kept talking about how I never communicate and was thinking all wrong about not seeing each-other (he said he just meant that would be smart). I showed his texts to a co-worker and without knowing much about him, she did say that it wasn’t me not communicating, because I asked him directly if he were for real about not seeing me for 30+ days, and he answered yes. She also agreed with me that a boyfriend should make his SO the one exception for someone he still sees during this time, because who are else are they truly living for if not for their SO.
    A few days later my BF told me that he missed me terribly and was having anxiety about the whole pandemic. He asked if I would come visit him again. When I told him that I was about to leave work to visit him, he asked me to pick up a few items of groceries, so I did. Right when I arrived at his place he asked me to take off my clothes right away so he could wash them, then he had a talk about how I again proved to be stupid and not trustworthy, because he saw on strava that I had ridden 1mile on a greenway, which he felt most likely had other people on it. After we got through the discussion we went out on an easy, around town ride, and it was awful, because their was a few times where I wanted to go down a certain street and then he’d point out that their was a woman walking a dog, etc. I’d point out that we would be at least 10ft from them if we rode on the other side of the street and then he’d argue that the new CDC guidelines had just said you need to stay a minimum of 20ft from others, and then he’d bring it further by saying if we rode in that direction that I could potentially kill that woman and asked if I really don’t care about potentially being responsible for another person’s death. Then as the ride went on, he was not consistent with these distancing guidelines when it came to going in a direction that he wanted to go; he even handed a spare taillight to someone he didn’t know who had no lights on their bike (I never criticized him or said anything). We were both on edge with each-other at the end of the ride.
    Then when the weekend came around my BF again asked if I’d go grocery shopping for him and come see him. I refused and confessed to him how his paranoia made me realize that we were not compatible, and that I was sacrificing to keep others safe during this pandemic, but he had let it take him to a different level of treating me unequal, gas-lighting me so that he could use me, and that his name-calling me stupid, which never should’ve happened, was just showing me that he didn’t trust me and it was detrimental to my self-esteem. I also reviewed his text and pointed out that he really didn’t want to see me over the quarantine; his fear really was stronger than any potential love he had for me, and his needs (ex. groceries) were more important to him than me. He was just more nervous to go to the grocery store than he was to see me. I’ve had a few nights of tears since, but know I did the right thing.

    I feel a SO is the one person you should make an exception for in these times.

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