Hey Guys! I need a man’s perspective or someone who was in a similar situation.

I met a guy in a class that culminated in a trip, I’ll call him Z. At the time I was seeing someone, not dating, I’ll call him J. I was planning to move out of state and wasn’t trying to get close to anyone. Once I met Z I couldn’t help myself but talk to him. We connected at a high level on our trip and I fell for him. He had been skeptical of trying to really hang with anyone, but after that, we spent a lot of time together. We kept seeing each other after the trip and I decided not to move for several reasons, him being one very solid one. I stopped seeing/sleeping with J to make room for Z in my mind and heart space. I’ve been so fulfilled mentally and emotionally that’s usually fine. We’ve become really close – we hang out, I sleep over, we talk about really deep subjects, and he makes me more brave. I’ve tried/done things with him I normally wouldn’t, and he tells me I’ve helped him become a better person and mean a lot to him.

Z has anxiety and depression. He also has had some pretty bad relationships in the past. I mean BAD. He often says he’s also a worse person in a relationship. He talks about liking being alone and not wanting to be in a relationship. I love him in a way I never have before – I just want him in my life, no need for any status, title, or even a certain type of relationship. I accept him wholly, trust him, see his flaws and fully acknowledge them. I just want him in my life even if it means always just being friends. It just confuses me how we’ve never really kissed but he can snuggle me, hold my hand, and hold me in bed when we sleep. It’s not even always innocent the way he touches me 😂 the closest we’ve got to kissing is sneaking in pecks on the cheek or chin without the other acknowledging. It confuses me how he can say some of the things he does, or how happy he was I wasn’t moving, and still be so guarded.

I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. We are both most likely moving to the same state in the fall, and I’m wondering if maybe he’s waiting for the move? He’s not sure what his financial situation will be to move right away. Or just fear? Or maybe he really just likes how things are. I want to know how to proceed.

It has also been 8+ months for me of not sleeping with anyone. I’m finally getting to the point where I’d like to, and I’ve definitely had people offer but have turned them down. He’s said before that he doesn’t want to sleep with me basically so as not to hurt me (but in a way that didn’t acknowledge it was about us necessarily, of course lol). He’s also said he wouldn’t want to know if I were sleeping with someone but we could be friends and I could do what I want (again, not directly about us). That was a while back. He’s not sleeping with anyone and hasn’t in a while, to protect himself and others it sounds like. He also seems to carry a lot of guilt about physical intimacy and his sexuality and body.

I don’t want to pin my hopes on him deciding he wants to sleep with me or date me, but I also don’t want to scare him away by being with someone else (I have another person now wanting a relationship, to date, to sleep together – only ever happens when I’m trying with someone else, I swear 😩) and he thinks I don’t actually want him or I’m not available. He just is so clear about not wanting a relationship it’s hard to even bring anything up on my end, and I don’t want to scare him, either. Any advice?