how to put it, a girl whos been my bestfriend for 2 years, 9 months in a relationship, the last 2 months have been hell, pointless fights that are one sided and I have to sit on my feelings till she feels like she can talk about it,

anyway, recently she cheated, blacked out, woke up with a guy, but wasn’t mad, walked him home, the next night he hit her up, wanting to drink again, this time she was drunk but more than aware, asked to make out, and hook up, she said yes, told me she didn’t think of me once, wait a few days before ever telling me, but in another pointless argument, she had a note prepaired, but wasn’t willing to talk to me, since then she’s blocked me and cut me out of her life, she told me she doesn’t regret it and doesn’t know why she did it, but she did, I hastily exposed her that she cheated on social media and with who, I’ve tried since to think about everything, and  ask her friend to relay a message, my feelings and what not, closure, told me to suck a dick basicly, sadly I still have feelings for her and would take her back, problem is we work together, bosses know and are keeping us on different schedules, the problem i’m having is that I cant let go, i’m obsessing, and its to a point where I cant sleep for more than 4 hours, and I haven’t beable to really eat in 4 days

I had one good discussion with an ex about it, that it seems she has low self esteem, and maybe has been using me the whole time to make her feel better, and when she’s drinking it no longer matters who does it, but who makes her feel loved, I guess, at that moment,

I just want outside perspectives, I know I should let go, and move on, it’s just I feel I cant

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