Ok so I’ve been seeing this girl on and off for 4 years we were in an official relationship for 6 months which I ended because she was always putting her personal hobbies ahead of our plans even if it was like a wedding we rsvpd for Months in Advance…A few months After the first breakup she called me while she was trying to kill herself (pill overdose) so I drove to her house (in the next town over) and took her away from the situation that was depressing her she moved in with me for 4 months and we got really close again romantically but never made it official …. it went on this way for a while if I showed interest in someone els she’d sabotage the relationship before it could even start but wasn’t willing to commit with me but she told me she would be jealous if I dated anyone els. I really loved this girl I even took her on overseas Vacations and paid for everything myself.
Now here I have to admit she did ask me to get back together with her once but I said no…. She found out I was interested in another girl then befriended her and set her up with one of her friends and wanted to make things between us official again so we could double date ? That was too manipulative for me so I turned her down.
At this point I should bring out that even though we were together dating and sometimes living together for the 4 year period We never had sex … we talked about it quite a lot but we’re both religious and I would never want to pressure anyone into sex …I also cared for her so much I figured she was worth waiting for.
Here’s the real nut punch I took her to a festival a few months ago and we’re sitting in a sharing circle and she tells everyone she is Aromatic and Asexual Meaning she feels no romantic attraction or sexual attraction for either gender. I played it off like it wasn’t a major at first but then realized that I’ve spent 4 years making grand romantic gestures for this girl and stayed faithful to her even when we weren’t officially together and she’s effectively telling me that it didn’t mean anything to her. When we got back to our camp and I knew she was safe I just walked away to think by myself and try to find a way to deal with this when I got back she was asleep the Next morning she was angry at me for being upset about her sexual orientation and the fact that she didn’t tell me for 4 years. When I told her I was upset that she didn’t tell me her answer was … “I needed someone to travel with to keep me safe and all those times I told you I loved you I wasn’t lying I do love you like I love my mom or my dad” ….. our friends have all taken her side because apparently my being upset is wrong and I’m the bad guy here she also refuses to talk to me at all and i can’t talk to anyone els about it because most people don’t know and that would be outing her …… I have been in serious depression and am trying to work through the fact that I wasted 4 years of my life on someone who was pretending or as she put it trying to feel something. Any advice on how to handle the situation or even just opinions from anyone would be appreciated