Am I making a mistake?
Last year I got out of a 7 year relationship but I’ve had poor boundaries and he — let’s call him D — continues to pursue me. To describe our relationship, it consisted of so many fights, affairs (mostly on my part, tbh), and it became so toxic. We had great memories and awesome inside jokes, but there were plenty of reasons why I felt unhappy and dissatisfied. At the beginning, I felt like he didn’t respect me or my likes. He didn’t give me my place during the first years and I felt like I had to beg for everything, only to be disappointed with several no’s. He made me change so much about myself, some for the better but some for the worst too. He changed that behavior towards the end, when he discovered I had cheated, but I feel it was too late at that point; the damage had been done.
Fast forward to this point in time, I resumed talking to the guy I had cheated with — let’s call him T. This guy makes me feel happy in so many ways; he’s funny, caring, giving, compassionate, great in bed, etc. I feel so happy when I’m with him, but the kicker is that he lives in Germany while I live in California. The long distance sucks but whenever we do meet up for vacation it’s like if I find my whole world again. It’s romantic for sure. We’re in the process of starting a life together and have talked about plans we have together. I have never felt so sure or happy with anyone like I do with him.
So my question revolves around this: I’m I making a mistake in choosing the long distance relationship because it was born out of affairs (he cheated too) and we’ve really only seen each other during vacations, or is it worth it to pursue my German dreamboat and take the risk? I was so sure of my choice, but I’ve started having doubts the more I talk to people. The reason I brought up D is because he’s still pursuing me even after he found out I’m talking to T, and he’s been bringing up a lot of good memories we had. I’m so bad at choosing 😞