Abusive me or him?

I feel so emotionally drained and confused! My BF/baby dad of 9 years is someone I can’t stand today! And I’m trying to keep an open mind but it’s getting frustrating when I feel most of the effort to save us is coming from only me! So he has stated before he really hates my angry? yelling approach to matters and doesn’t like to be accused.. I have been trying to not do this but I was sure I seen evidence in his phone that he had some secret chat app but turns out it wasn’t. For the record I never apologized but brushed it off because I feel I still can’t trust him for cheating on or break this past winter. later that night, on another issue I blocked him from the internet ( which I guess ppl say is abuse) because he had once again fallen asleep while caring for our 3 yo toddler during my scheduled work day because he was again up all night internet gaming! So I felt if I took it away it wouldn’t be an issue again .. once I did that he became very angry and began to try and break open any of my locked boxes or doors looking for the router box I hid. He wasn’t finding it and it was now 12 am and I told him I was going to sleep he said well good luck( meaning he was leaving the area and I had to take care of our wide awake 3 year old! It wasn’t until 4 am that I fell asleep all the while he just walked by us randomly and ignored his son and even would push him away verbally by telling him to go back to me. Now tonite I tell him I feel that these actions were unacceptable and he states “well I asked u not to yell and accuse me anymore” when clearly these actions were because I took away the internet from him! Then 10 min later I started yelling because he is lying to my face and trying to blame me for his actions he switches it up and says “ it’s not a lie, I said my actions were because of something you did. So how is that lying if both were about u doing something to me?” Omg!! Frustrating!!! Is he really this dumb?? Or am I the dumb one?? I don’t know who’s right or wrong! I just wanna know how ppl feel about this behavior and does this kind of stuff happen in all relationships? I know my head is spinning and feeling more hurt that he wants to instead pointing  fingers, instead of taking some ownership of our problems… and does he even love me!? Do ppl that love each other lie to eveother this way? Or punish them for yelling at them?? Or am I the bad guy because I’m always yelling and don’t apologize?

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